Victoria M. Walker always overtips on vacation.
The travel writer is of the opinion that “tipping should be second nature,” especially when staying at a hotel. Some of her friends don’t feel this way, an uncomfortable truth she learned while on a trip with them.
“Some people I travel with aren’t big into tipping,” she says. “Their stance is that the resort is paying the workers’ salary. And it’s like, ‘no.'”
Vacationing with friends can reveal differences in how you handle money and perceive etiquette at the most inconvenient time: when you’re already at the destination.
“A bad tipper is always going to rub me the the wrong way,” Walker says. “That is one of the biggest indications that I will never travel with that person again.”
To avoid damaging a friendship during a vacation, it’s best to have straightforward conversations about what you want to do and how much money you’re willing to spend before your trip.
As you discuss, keep an eye out for the three red flags that mean you and your friend might not travel well together.
1. Your budgets and priorities are different
Be sure that discussions about money go deeper than the overall cost of your trip, says Elaine Glusac, author of The New York Times’ Frugal Traveler column.
“Talk about how you’d like to allocate the budget across variables like dining and entertainment,” she says. “If you both want to see a Broadway show, for example, and one wants premium seats and the other is OK in the back row, would you two be OK sitting apart?”
Food costs often aren’t parsed out beforehand, but can cause considerable friction.
“If one wants a fancy dinner and the other wants street food, perhaps you can compromise and go your separate ways one evening, but if that is a nightly thing, it might not be the best fit for the two of you to travel together,” Glusac says.
And know what you won’t compromise on. For Walker, it’s accommodations.
“I want to come back to the U.S. feeling well-rested and I feel like I can best do that in a nice hotel,” she says. “So if someone is not as big on staying in a nice hotel, or more open to staying in a hostel, it’s probably not going to work.”
2. One of you doesn’t like solo activities
Discuss the pace at which you both like to travel and whether you expect to do everything together. If your friend likes to jam pack their days, but you prefer to schedule in some time to relax, are you both fine parting ways for a bit?
“You can agree to do things at a different rate and meet up later for a meal, but you should both be content on your own, which you should hash out prior,” Glusac says.
If your friend isn’t as comfortable going to museums or eating meals by themselves as you are, this might indicate that you won’t travel well together.
“If I do travel with somebody, it’s somebody who is comfortable having their own itinerary,” Walker says. “That’s always the first thing I look for or outright ask: Are you OK with doing your own thing or is it like, ‘we came together, we have to do everything together’?”
3. You’re not curious and excited about the same things
Being on vacation with a friend who isn’t interested in all the destination has to offer — or who’s excited about different aspects of the destination than you are — can be frustrating for you both.
You don’t want to be in the position of convincing someone that a museum or a show is worth their time or money. And you don’t want to be dragged out to a historical site you have no interest in seeing.
So before planning a trip with someone, have honest conversations about why they want to travel and be sure their interests align with your own.
Glusac, for example, always asks herself if someone is as curious about other cultures as she is and matches her ambition “to see as much as we can in the time we have.”
But it shouldn’t be a deal-breaker if there are occasional differences in opinion about how to spend your time, Glusac says. “I enjoy companions who acknowledge we are different people.”
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